What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
