i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
