I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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