I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
