She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize