i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
