You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
