As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The air taste purple.
Randomize