you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
