The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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