I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
