So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
