I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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