for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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