And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
