I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
