i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
