You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.