You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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