Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She announced her abortion via fbk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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