Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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