I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize