It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
