Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize