all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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