oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
