sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
