I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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