honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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