I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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