Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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