Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
