so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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