guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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