What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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