Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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