I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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