thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
