Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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