I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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