I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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