I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize