she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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