Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
