i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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