tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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