then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
