I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
