What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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