don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let's get the cat blown out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
