Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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