i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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