new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And then he peed in my hair
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
