I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
