No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
