i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
