We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
