VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
