My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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