Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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