Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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